Magnetic Personality in Communication

               

                

                Are you able to make others understand what is in your mind?  Are you able to figure out easily what others think? Are you able to communicate with trustworthiness and influence?  As we interact with people endlessly, we may not realize that we are not communicating well.  My friend Imee attended the International Faculty Program organized by IESE Business School of the University of Navarra for university personnel last May 31 to June 22, 2010 in Barcelona, Spain.

                  IESE’s International Faculty Program has been considered as one of the most effective short courses aimed to improve the management of universities.  Imee shared with me her notes from a class on Persuasive Communication with Professor Brian Leggett.  I think that these notes are useful not only for university personnel but for all.

                Professor Leggett said that one’s soft power is the factor in communication that persuades and attracts people.  It is the real influence over others—a magnetic personality—that appeals and fosters cooperation.  This charisma or personal magnetism is not the mere influence of one’s position, authority, wealth, or age—all of which is hard power.  Hard power can come by with its list of incentives or restraints:  promote or demote, compensate or penalize, hire or fire, and induce or intimidate.

                As we communicate through ourselves, it is important to know who we are and how we appear to others.  He added that without credibility, one cannot reach anywhere.  What is your reputation?  Do people trust you?  Self-management or how we handle ourselves is especially important when there are conflicts in relationships.  If there is a great deal of self-awareness and one can perceive and empathize with others, that person has high aptitude for social relations.  Prof. Leggett named this as Social Intelligence. 

                Another idea is on how our message is accepted by others.  The right emotional environment has to be set so people could accept what we communicate.  The message should not be simply imposed on the people for they have to understand it with their logic and be convinced of it with their arguments.  The one communicating should not be fixated merely on the content of his message or on his arguments.

                Non-verbal language covers almost fifty per cent of our entire communication. How do you argue or explain your cause? How are your other non-verbal cues—handshake, gaze or eye contact, posture, grooming?     We may not be aware but our listeners may be alienated because of our voice or the way we look.  Professor Leggett said that the ability to read out people and adjust to how they are is very important.  This ability is also known as Emotional Intelligence.  For Professor Legget, emotional intelligence is the most important skills in the soft power.

                Professor Leggett referred to Mahatma Gandhi as a master of non-verbal communication.  There is a more important element though in the magnetic personality that Professor Leggett had discussed extensively.  This is gravitas.  Gandhi has it and other fine world leaders too.  The good news is that anyone can have it.  More about gravitas in the next blog.

Good Reading Revolution

                I have a special interest for books which I think I owe from my uncle Rene.  It may have been my osmosis first when I got this love for books since childhood.  I was delighted whenever I could see his small collection of good books in our house.  Then, I would imitate him read.  Some years ago, he told me that he dreams of putting up a library in our town.  I found my Uncle’s wish to be very good  but I wondered if this can be done.  Life became busier and I was not able to think further about it until Weng shared with me her library project in Eastern Samar.

                Eastern Samar is one of the poorest provinces in Philippines.  Rowena or Weng, as I call her by nick name, was assigned to work in Balangiga in Eastern Samar for five years since 2005*.  But aside from her busy work, she was able to help her mother fulfill her long-time wish of putting up a public library in their town, Llorente (which is near Balangiga), where unfortunately illiteracy is still widespread.  With the help of her aunt who resides in the U.S. and other relatives and friends, Weng was able to get books, tables and chairs, and other needed materials for the library including educational toys.

                 “Generous people just came by to help,” said Weng.  She told me that an old couple allowed them to use for free the ground floor (silong) of their house.  Then there came a volunteer librarian every Saturdays who has a full-time job during the week.  She installed a simple library system.  Donations in cash continue to come which are given to two library assistants.  “Knowing that we have limited funds, we were just grateful that the library aides agreed to help us during the week.  We could only give each of them a minimum of Php 1,500 or $ 35 per month as allowance,” disclosed Weng.

                Good libraries or quiet reading corners are very much needed today—not only in our rural towns but also, or much more so, in our city districts. They give us the space to be more human in our lives, to learn the truths we need to live by and consequently be truly free.  Great books leave a mark in their readers.  We see a shameful poverty these days—the ignorance from good literary books.   In spite of so many reading materials nowadays, not everything is valuable and helpful. 

                Rowena’s family has shared their blessings by starting the first private library in the province of Eastern Samar which they called Llorente Library and Information Center.  “We also have reading workshops.  We tell the kids bible stories and fairy tales too with moral lessons.  How they love it!”, shared Weng. This project has also inspired other students from nearby towns and college students even drop by to study better as they inquire from the library aides on how to approach some of their lessons.

Weng's reading workshop cultivates and enriches the imagination of young minds.

               To my Uncle Rene—your dream is very much needed now by many young people…  And it is possible to start a “good reading revolution”.  You and I can start a project like Weng’s or help instead similar endeavors.  If you like to help or simply know more details about the Llorente Library and Information Center project, you may e-mail Rowena N. Tan at wengtan@yahoo.com.

*Rowena N. Tan was appointed as the first judge for the Regional Trial Court of Balangiga, Eastern Samar in 2005.  She has been designated last June 2010 as acting presiding judge of the Regional Trial Court branch 121 in Caloocan City. 

Discover Your Fashion Personality

Ginny Villegas in the workshop on Dressing & Fashion

          Having good fashion sense is not only enjoyable; it gives joy to others.  I have discovered that we can improve this in two simple and economical ways. First, observe keenly the beauty in nature—their harmony and balance.  Second, reflect well on who we are.  Let me elaborate in reference to a lecture on Dressing and Fashion I attended last November 19, 2010 at the Makiling Conference Center situated in the Laguna hills of Calamba City.

 

                A few years back, I used to assist Ginny in some of her fashion workshops. I learned many things and enjoyed those seminars too.   She gives useful advice and reminders on elegance and style.  With a bit of effort to practice those fashion counsels, they can bring out the beauty patent in every person while respecting that person’s originality.

          How does one acquire good taste in fashion? Observing nature teaches us important principles on the roles of colors, patterns, textures, proportions and dimensions in the art of dressing.  The right fit of the clothes is also key to elegance in grooming. The truths in aesthetics as applied to fashion enhance one’s good features and can downplay the natural flaws.  And for women, aside from the proverbial smile that completes the get-up, one will also be fully dressed with a touch of make-up.

"Dressing and Fashion" seminar participants

          What we wear—inclusive of hairstyle and make-up—tells us of our personal style and story.  Our choice of fashion accessories also reveals our experiences and interests.  What is your fashion personality? It can be natural, classic, romantic, dramatic, or ethnic. One’s fashion style can also change in time—as one gets older—or due to a change in job or activity. Changes as there may be, it is important to have consistency in the person’s total look according to her or his specific fashion personality.

 Elegance which is the external beauty in our lives will be complete if these other details are there: cleanliness, order and neatness, good manners, composure in bearing, poise in movement, refinement in behavior and speech, demeanor, propriety, and sense of decency.  Cultivating elegance and a pleasant personal style is vital.  Edith Stein, a German philosopher and now a saint, once said on the role of women in national life, “The nation…doesn’t simply need what we have.  It needs what we are.”   

How does one develop his or her fashion style?  Have a love for beauty and work at it in earnest.  Develop a practical fashion sense.  Educate oneself in good taste.  Another tip—get a good coach who is competent and honest, zealous to bring out the best and beautiful in you.   If you like to contact Ginny for more details on her fashion and personality development clinics for men and women, e-mail her at ginnyvillegas@yahoo.com.

Decisive Steps in Starting A Blog

               Hi there! Today  I committed myself to blog.   Camille, a journalist friend, said that blogging though easy, is a commitment.   I told her that I don’t have much time.  But I realized that this is a great chance to connect with others and at the same time, keep on with writing.

               Thanks to blogs we can now write unhindered by limitations and fears.  Though it took me more than two years to get truly started, I realized that the advantages of having a blog outweigh the inconveniences of setting up one.  Initially, I thought I will not be able to understand téch-y things but thanks to Blogger, they made it easy for me—would just need to follow well the instructions in creating an account.  To my joy as well, I also discovered that my blog would get a cool layout including built-in organizing features—would just have to click the design tab on the main blog page, explore this, and there... I got the blog-look I wanted.  It is amazing how one can publish instantly in the internet nowadays without much hassle and pressure.  But the crucial steps that really got me started came from my cheering squad of friends.

               Camille made me start to commit to blogging.  Ann encouraged me to start by helping me create this blog side by side with Celeste, who was also starting her blog. Then, Jing gave me an idea for the blog’s title. And so, “PED Xing” came to be.

               As the song goes, "I get by with a little help from my friends."

Mel , 14 November 2010